I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
