i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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