I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
