His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
