I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
