I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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