Grow some girl-balls and come out already
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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