planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
