My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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