Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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