just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
