I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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