Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i've created a new STD.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
