She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
