Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
