If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
