just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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