I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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