What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
