some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
