I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
where are you?
Hypothermia
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
