They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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