Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
