I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
