Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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