Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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