dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
