There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
