Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
