So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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