I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize