also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
