I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
