after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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