i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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