WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
