yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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