party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
