mondays should just be called national damage control day
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
