Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
