i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
