yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
