its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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