he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
