I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
