This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
