Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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