We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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