SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
