found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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