If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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