i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
