I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
