u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I want to make a zoo with you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
