Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
