thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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