You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
