Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
