It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
