you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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