proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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