not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
