So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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